Mike and I attended our thirteenth Heal ( Helping each other after loss)memorial service at St. Elizabeth's Hospital today. We were obviously invited to our first thirteen years and two months ago when we attended a support group meeting after our third child( second daughter) Caitlyn Lee, was delivered still born.There is a kind of funny story behind how we actually came to agree to attending any support group meeting let alone this one( St. Elizabeth's is not the hospital which I delivered Caitlyn ) but that is another story that I may share another day. Anyway, we did go and though we didn't attend many support group monthly sessions ( I quit going because I was pregnant with Robby, four months later, and was terrified that we would end up loosing him too (because hearing of everything that could and did happen ( to others)was not helping me keep the positive attitude and faith that my high risk pregnancy required. )We have since attended all but one yearly memorial service (the one following Robby's premature birth when he was too sick to take or leave with someone else)
I have made friends through this group and actually look forward to the yearly service when I can honor my baby who resides with Jesus. I have met some who's loss was long ago and some whose loss was very recent. I have met those who have gone on to have healthy children ,some who have experienced loss after loss,some who have adopted, and some who's lives have taken on different roles. Thirteen years ago if anyone would have told me that there would be positive things to come from the pain of losing a child, I would have never believed you.However, thirteen years later, I do see some positive. I would still give everything to have my baby ,Caitlyn, alive and well, but I have accepted God's will to take her home and though I look forward to seeing her again someday, I go on doing the best that I can in the roles that God has called me to.
